M is for...

Morons

2008-07-04T22:41:00.003-04:00

Or the people that live in my building. My neighbors. They are all related to my brother in law. They are well meaning, I guess. However they are the most intrusive group of folks I've ever met. Example; the group that live across from me leave bags of trash, dirty diapers, in front of their door, which would be in front of my door too. This coupled with their nightly arguments, that occasionally end in the child screaming "daddy stop" or clothing being tossed out of the window or into the courtyard. Or the ones that live below me that get high every night, in the hallway. Or the fact that it seems that I can't seem to leave or come in without someone sitting on the steps forcing conversation, which is usually a series of questions about where I'm going or coming from or comments on my increasing or decreasing weight.

Well today was the kicker. The yard in front which is really just the leftover paved yard from the school that was here, was transformed into a picnic ground. Complete with a barrel bbq, tent, 2 hammocks, picnic table and chairs, basketball hoop and dozens of people. Through all of this I have to go though, no back door.

Now this is on the street, next door to a large apartment building on one side, and a hassidic dorm on the other.

I have to keep on saying to myself, I've got the deal of the century on rent. I've got the deal of the century on rent, I've got the deal of the century on rent...

Mo's in the Hood

2008-07-02T22:20:00.004-04:00

Over the past couple of weeks that little voice in my head, (you know the one we all have that says the unspeakable, but usually funny but true things) has been begging the question "has the whole word gone gay?" Its been asking that question for a while now, not in the usual places, but like in midtown or late a night when riding the subway and two young kids heading to new lots ave. can't keep their hands off each other.
But lately I've noticed here in the hood a marked increase in the boys. I say great bring em on. Could be that they have been here all along and having the dog, I'm out more with him. But I tell you more and more I've been getting that knowing nod, or the slight "hi there". Not the "lets go back to my place and make babies greeting", but the "hey you're one too" greet.
I say bring it on.
Seems of late though the neighbors have noticed it too. There have been some of posts on the local boards about mostly verbal gay bashing. It's so strange to think, that even here in New York, in 2008 that shit is still going on.

Mundane

2008-07-01T19:25:00.003-04:00

I think I've become mundane. There was a time back in the 90's when I was a fun guy. Used to know a fair share of people, had many things penciled in in my date book, but somewhere along the line I guess I started to coast, and came to a stop.
Well this summer, damn it, I've kick started my social life! Sort of.

many months since...

2008-05-22T15:49:00.001-04:00

I've thought about let alone posted anything on this thing.

MBA

2007-06-17T12:18:00.000-04:00

Part of the grand plan that lead me back to Magic Kingdom was that I was finally going to go back to school, drink the "koolaid" and get my MBA. I put aside all the misconceptions (I hope they are misconceptions) about business school, and started looking at local MBA programs.
After the last year of hell with Gymboree (funny note, three months after leaving I get a call asking if I want to come back!) I figure that I can never, ever work in store based retail again, but after doing it for so many years, what next. Going to school seemed to make the most sense, take a couple years off, make some contacts in the process, and get the hell out of the stores.
Good idea except, I forgot about the main barrier for getting into a MBA program... the GMAT.
I bought the study books, downloaded the practice tests, but soon realized that not playing attention in math class did eventually catch up to me and bite me in the ass. That along with the fact that it was the 80's since I even had a passing thought about intergers, quadratic equations, or angles in a triangle made my head spin.
I dicided to put the books down, and hope that luck would get me through the test. Really. I paid my $250, scheduled the test, went in with the kids (really most of the people taking it with me could have been my kids) and guess. It was multiple choice so I had a 1 in 4 chance for every question. The verbal and the essay, that I can do but the math was a crap shoot.
The security was crazy at the test center, no watches, calculators, no jewelery, just you, a dry erase notebook, and pen. Come on who does math without a calculator!
The results are ready for you when you are done with the test... great, I'd rather wait than have to ride the elevator down with the young smart ones... but no.
End result is 74 percentile, and didn't crack a book, not enough for Harvard, but it should do just fine for CUNY.
Take that Princeton Review....

Magic Kingdom...again

2007-06-15T12:02:00.000-04:00

After the longest year of my life, I have returned to the Magic Kingdom, as the owner! Oldly enough its not half bad. Its a combination of less stress than my last gig (who knew childrens clothing would be such a cluster fuck) and that for the first time in a while I have a plan. Its been about a 2 months since I have been back, and knock on wood, my brother-in -law has been relatively good, and I haven't been clawing my face.

More of the same

2006-12-29T21:24:00.000-05:00

So I took an FTO ( day off) today, to clean my house. Mind you this is just a first pass. By no means the house is clean. I tripped and almost fell on a pile of clothes in the kitchen last night so figured it was time to do something.
Anyway I'm working away and jamming out with my new speakers. Getting a little hungry but playing my new game "How long can you go without eating" the record is 5 days BTW. But I decide that I should head out to the ghetto Chinese place, the kind with the greasy bullet proof glass and sells chicken wings and french fries, but I'm going to get a heathy chicken and broccoli with white rice.
No wine, but of course cigarettes (I can't bring myself to smoke the last pack of smokes from Montreal, how pathetic am I). So I scurry home plastic bag with the smiley face on it in tow, my Chinese delight inside. I make a ritual of it, my first attempt at a meal in weeks at home, I get a plate, napkin, the works. Sit down open up the plastic bag, smile at the smiley face on the bag as I take out my foil package of oriental joy, my holiday, birthday, work, bad boyfriend, depression is finally over! I no longer have the suitcase from my ill fated trip to Montreal at the beginning of November in the livingroom, my coffee table is no longer one big ashtray, I can see my livingroom, or any rooms floor, not obstructed by socks, loose change, paper, or wine bottle corks. I feel like eating, and yes ghetto Chinese will be my first meal.
I spoon out the rice, and then yes the main dish! Lots of veggies, and yes the broccoli and bonus cashews!
I take the first bite of my Asian Delight, and something is not quite right. Its not CHICKEN and broccoli it is Shrimp and broccoli! Those are not cashews...I'm allergic to shrimp.
After dashing off to my newly cleaned bathroom I decided to have the dinner of champions---the value bottle of Yellow Tale Shiraz from the ghetto liquor store...
Happy New Year

Moses...

2006-04-15T22:00:00.000-04:00

I LOVE the movie "The Ten Comandments"! It is the ultimate in camp. The scene with Moses and Nephrateri (Moses ex girlfriend) is classic. The lines are great "does your Shepard girl grate garlic on her skin or is soft and subtle like mine, are her lips rough and chapped with by the desert sun, or soft and red like pomergranite as mine, does she smell like me, of frankincense and roses, or like a goat" I want to date someone have them leave me for someone else so that I can use that line on him. Its classic! Yul Brynner in those short skirts... Fantastic! What about the party scene while Moses goes for the 10 commandments, those Israelites know how to party. Mrs. Pharaoh was such a bitch "Ramses do you hear laughter... I do its the laughter of the Pharaohs before you laughing at you Ramses, defeated by the son of a slave" love it.
Or in the move the part when the Jews leave Egypt, I swear its a 20 minute scene, it is so campy.
So people look forward to Easter for the candy, going to church celebrating the basis of Christianity, I look forward to "Ten Commandments" with crazy old Charlton Heston and sexy as hell Yul Brynner.

Metropolitan

2006-04-15T05:20:00.000-04:00

Umm, why did I say sure lets get one more drink, sure lets go to Brooklyn and go to the Metropolitan, again it was trains planes and automobiles to get home...

Mini Michael Jackson

2006-04-09T19:57:00.000-04:00

Union Square Subway Station, originally uploaded by mtaylor718.

One of those I love New York moments. FYI he was dancing to "Rock with You"

Miami

2006-04-06T21:32:00.000-04:00

I have been interviewing the past couple of weeks. I have to get a new job! Been doing the monster, hot jobs thing, and its been very hot and cold. At first nothing, I was really worried. I thought I would be working at the Magic Kingdom for the rest of my life. But about three weeks ago I started to get some calls. Most of the things were jobs I would never do, but I was thinking about some of them because the way my mind works, " the mediocre interviews are the only one that I'm going to get so I better take them".
Until company "X" call me (company "X" because I don't want to jinx it, I probably have ruined it already by saying some much about it). I had a phone interview, at work with the King of the kingdom coming in and out of my office, so it really wasn't;t my best performance. I had to fill out one of those questionnaires, and e-mail it in.
I guess they liked something because I am flying to Miami for a face to face interview.
I've never been flown anywhere for an interview before. The job is based here in NY.
Are they flying a bunch of people to Miami to interview? I would imagine that if they had a few candidates someone would come to New York to do the interview? What do I wear? What do I take? Do I tip the limo gut that picks me up? Is it wrong of me to want to drink heavily this weekend before I fly to Miami for the day on Monday? It all seems so adult.
Wish me luck!

McDonald's

2006-04-03T22:23:00.000-04:00

I haven't been to the golden arches in about a year maybe 2. Not really a fan but it used to be that every now and then I would get the taste for a big Mac and fries. Particularly after a night of drinking. Which was the case this weekend. Actually two nights after drinking I still couldn't shake that blah feeling that booze sometimes leaves with you. Thing is this was two days later. I had a great night out on Friday(thanks JKS and Dana), time got away from me and next thing you know its Saturday 12:30 in the afternoon and I have a wicked head ache and a stomach ache to match. Throwing caution to the wind I head out, beautiful day and was determined not to waste it. I go to the upper west side to run some errands. I have a pretty good day feeling very Marlowe Thomas (That Girl), do what I need to do, with a casual purpose that I try to portray when hungover.
I head downtown, meet a friend for dinner and drinks(wait, maybe that's why it was a 2 day hangover, the drinks I had with her?).On Sunday I felt like total crap.
Again another beautiful day even better than Saturday, I head out again, but this time no plans. I walking through Park Slope, I start to get really queasy (maybe I wasn't hungover at all maybe it was just being in Park Slope) just when I'm about to throw in the towel and head home, I see the golden arches. I figure what the hell, and I head in.
Waiting on line, behind a girl on 2 cell phones at the same time I look up at the menu board. When did McDonald's get so expensive. I settle on the Big Mac value meal for $6.50 cents!I sit down next to the old man nursing his cup of coffee, the same guy that is in every McDonald's I bet, and take in the surroundings while I take in the atmosphere. Kids happy as hell with there happy meals. The teen age girls behind me talking comparing their ultra sound pictures, of their soon to be children, the group of guys talking about the kick ass party last night, until that "punk ass bitch shot off his piece and the cops came". But I was all about my Big Mac fries and Dr Pepper.
But boy did it hit the spot, it cured my two day bender ills. I was having my Mary Tyler Moore Show moment right there in Cobble Hill. I actually ran into a friend from Chicago walking her dog, stopped and played with the dog, gave money to a beggar, stopped to watch people play hand ball, smiled while kids bought ice cream from the Mr. Softy ice cream truck. If there were flowers growing, I would have picked them and given the bunch to the old Russian ladies I smiled at as a passed on the street. Ah the magic of fried food. Looks like "I'm going to make it after all" that vodka drinking anyway.

Market

2006-03-19T23:12:00.000-05:00

Trader Joes supermarket. This weekend Trader Joes Supermarket open with great fan fare on 14th street. Me never wanting to miss an opening (what was the quote someone said about Javier and me at the opening of some club a lifetime ago in Chicago, "I knew you two would be here, you guys wouldn't miss the opening of an envelope"). That not withstanding the thought of venturing out of my house, on a Friday evening, on St Patricks Day was way too much so I decided to go with a friend on Saturday afternoon. I head off to meet her, there was a bit of a slip up so I was running late, so instead of meeting out in front she was at a bar and ordered up a drink for me. I walked by the store, on my way to meet her and the place is packed. Now I'm not into cooking, of really eating at home. But I figure I can get some frozen stuff, prepared foods, and of course cheap wine. But alas the wine store was not yet open. Strike one.
The place was jammed packed, people looked so excited, like they were going to see santa, strike two. And I still can't get over the fact that the Palladium is gone. It wasn't my favorite place to go, far from it really, but it was an institution and a sorry replacement after Danceteria closed strike three, but after a drink or two I'd get over myself and shop like the masses.

So I meet Norma and we are sitting in an overdone bar/restaurant, having martinis or something of the like. After about 2 drinks we decide to head over to the supermarket shopping party of the season. As we are walking over there, I think oh how times have changed, what seems like only yesterday, but in reality many years ago on a Saturday night, frozen cheese filled things were the furthest thing from my mind. I was putting the finishing touches on my mix tapes for dance night at O'Hooleys (oddly enough I mixed up a kick ass session on Saturday, maybe things haven't changed that much) and trying to get to the state liquor store before it closed to get a bottle of the USA tequila.
As we approach T-J's there is a line to get in. Literally a line that brought back memories of when that was the Palladium. Norma and I look at each other and head back over to the bar and order up a couple of more drinks. Figuring that its just a fluke and that the line will go away in a few.
No, when we return 4 martinis or whatever later the line has grown, now when that place was the Palladium (I still think it's a crime that they tore that place down for yet another NYU dorm) I never stood in line, and I'm not going to do it for frozen cheese things now.
But it's really a sign of how much New York has changed. Think about 14th street today, and what it was even 10 years ago. There is really nothing that you can get a T-J that you can't get at any other store, but we'll stand in line for it. We believe the hype, and that a little piece of suburbia in NY is the cure for all our ills. How funny that the place that was ground zero, for mid to late 80's partying in now a national chain supermarket that garners a line to get into. When the Palladium opened it had mirror trays for you to do you coke on, the dance floor was so huge that there were wall that came down to make it look like Odyssey 2000 ( The Saturday Night Fever Disco). You could go into the Michael Todd Room, and rub elbows with people that were downtown royalty. By the time I would go there the hype was on its way out, however, I have fond memories of being there and dancing the night away, or trying to get into the V.I.P. room in the basement. I remember being there one night, sitting outside the Michael Todd room, with my first B-friend and waiting to see who was coming and going.
With memories like that there was no way that I would stand in line there now, to shop for groceries, cheap wine maybe, but not for produce.

Mean Mr. Me.

2006-03-16T16:47:00.000-05:00

So yesterday, I was teaching class, 6th grade computers, and 3 months until the end of the school year I finally hit a groove. We actually were having a good couple of weeks where the kids were actually producing things. But yesterday the kids were all keyed up, there was a birthday party for a class mate, and we are having the annual book and software sale. They had lots of sugar and games/gadget buying right before my class. So I had so take command, be the adult, MR. TAYLOR damn it. So as the kids entered the class I noticed a pattern, they all had these magnifying glasses from the book fair so one by one I sent them back to their homeroom to put them away.
I notice that three of my little angels did not do as they were told and had their toys at the computer. I told them "fine if you want to play with your Dora the Explorer or whatever log off the computer (we were about to listen to music and work with some music composition software I found here, who knew my sister had all this stuff here) and play with your toys" Now these are 10 and 11 year old girls, and one by one they started to cry, not a little bit of tears but big, loud, coughing, balling. At first it was kind of funny, I said you all are kidding right? But no they were serious, and after I suppressed the need to laugh at them (see I just don't have that teaching gene) I wanted to get to the bottom of why it meant so much that they participate in my class? They could not answer inbetween the tears.

The crying continued after the class, they cried up 2 flights of stairs, they cried during their Spanish class so much that they had to be taken to the principal, they cried like their best friend just died. As I'm getting ready for after school one of them looks at me and starts crying. What the hell am I that good a teacher, or what?

Mercy, Sisters of

2006-03-13T22:36:00.000-05:00

Call it a mid life crisis, but I have been a fiend for music of my college years. I have been on an I-tunes mission, snapping up digital versions of my vinyl. Everything from New Order, to the Sisters Of Mercy. I guess I could go out and buy that turntable that allows you to digitize your vinyl, but why, for 99 cents each I can get "Lucretia in My Reflection" and then while waiting for the download get some other tunes by the Sisters that I have forgotten. "More" for instance. I-tunes is great,for Apple anyway because it naturally leads you to buy more. Like after listening to "more" by SOM, I'm thing I really should buy "Beers, Steers, and Queers", cause it naturally follows on that i-mix that I clicked over too... hold on I am going to buy it, never owned the vinyl of it, never really liked the song, but it does remind me of a night at The Smart Bar when Dana, Natalie and I were sitting on this electrical sculpture "thinnie" and we were all getting a little shock from it, but were either too drunk, or too cool to move and I'm pretty sure that the Revolting Cocks were playing at the time(Line from the song "come on boy drop those britches... Squeal like a pig"). And I know that it was at the smart bar one night it was either too "Kooler than Jesus" or "A Girl Doesn't Get Killed by a Make believe Lover...Cause its Hot" both by My Life with a Thrill Kill Cult" that a guy was dancing out of control, and must have hit a slippery spot on the sawdust covered dancefloor and fell so hard you heard his teeth hit that nasty floor.
Now the memory wheel is really turning, "The Walk" by the Cure would get the "whitchy whitchy, all black hoop earring girls" all doing that progessive three step on the dancefloor/dart board area at O'Hooleys, ahh good times.
Look, another song found, its just 99 cents more, I've been in a kind of a Depeche Mode mood lately, and here is "Shake the Disease" which I actually own on CD but this has been remixed by Tiga, I've been digging him lately, (and The Martini Bros) so now the best of both worlds right?
While I'm waiting for DM, looks like folks that bought this also bought Simply Red? That's odd, not a natural pairing... I'll have to check it out. When I do I realize that its a new Simply Red song, never really a fan, but after 30 seconds, I'm digging "Perfect Love" but I can't decide on which mix of it, they are only 99 cent each so I'll get both.
Looking at the listeners that bought section (damn them) I see Gus Gus there, now either Bjork, or Gus Gus was one of the last concerts that I went too, in a small venue, and they were both great. I give the tune a listen, and of course, 99 cent later "Need in Me" is down loading, I'm beginning to think this is a little irresponsible of me, but its only 99 cents right?

Me...After

2006-03-09T21:04:00.000-05:00

The ravages of time. At the kingdom we all take "class pictures for the yearbook". My big project for the next month is cutting and pasting pictures and clipart to put together said yearbook. Now featuring my big greasy picture.
It's got me thinking that I would love to see the class pictures of my friends, (and enemies even more) to see how time has affected them (I know its been done many times before but not by me)

Me...Before

2006-03-09T21:03:00.000-05:00

kindergarten, originally uploaded by mtaylor718.

Movies

2006-03-09T19:28:00.000-05:00

Over a year ago I joined Netflix.Back when I lived in Chicago, and there really wasn't a video store of note by my house, (now there really isn't any by me here) I did have cable but with the exception of the Six Feet Under, (now the reruns) I just have and had cable for the reception. At first I was religious about putting movies on my queue, sending back the movies that I had seen you know the things that make having netflix worth the money. It is a great deal, for under $20.00 a month you can see what 15 movies.
I was even good about it when I moved here. The thing is that I was picking movies that I had seen before or movies that I thought that I should see. I rented " Beautiful Thing" even though I own it, "Sideways" because it was supposed to be a great movie (I couldn't even get 20 minutes into it). Then I started not watching the movies that I got in the mail. I would get the movies, watch one, hate it, and not want to watch the others, for weeks, sometimes months.

I decided to rent what I wanted to see, like I wanted to see "Space 1999" the series. Or "Team America" not because they were good TV shows, and movies, but because I wanted to see them. That only lasts for a while, then I got bored with that, so now I'm back to getting the movies watching one and a half, then they sit. Any suggestions?

Montreal...again

2006-03-05T21:26:00.000-05:00

Funny thing happened today. I was sitting here in a funk, nothing unusual, and I got a phone call. I didn't recognize the number on the caller ID so I didn't answer it. I figured it was a call from the DNC or a "fan" (bill collector), but no when I checked the message it was a guy I met in Montreal.
He sounded so sexy! I listened to the message a couple of times. I thought to myself what could he want? I met him in a bar, we hung out, and... You know... Nice man smart sexy, cute, the whole package. We communicated a few times but nothing more than I had fun, etc, It was one of those funky life things where you say "if we lived in the same city this could be something" and God sucks because you meet someone that is living in another country. The reality of the situation is probably if I he was in New York I wouldn't have met him (a little pessimistic?).
Anyway we chatted for a while and just the conversation got me out of my funk, for a minute, Until I spoke with a friend, which I dated for a little while, but we are much better friends, who has been "talking" to another ex of mine who I am not friends with, they might go on a date. I'm back to why does God hate me.

Men it was bound to happen...

2006-03-05T10:31:00.000-05:00

While I'm down on men, can someone explain to me why so many gay men can't take an attempt of friendship as just that friendship. I have had a couple of distasteful attempts at being friends with guys, just friends, and you would think that I wanted to marry them. Um no I don't want to marry you, or sleep with you for that matter, it would be kind of nice to have a couple of gay guys to hang out with. Maybe I'm just a freak or just spoiled. I have a few good male friends, we are just that friends, we can hang out, talk, share porn, you know the usual stuff that everyone does right?
I have had now three bad flirtations with trying to meet new people in New York where I just really don't get it? Will someone explain it to me? My only thought is that when I met my friends we were all younger and now, everyone is out to fill an agenda.
It seems crazy to me that fags just can't be friends. OR if your not confused, (maybe my attempts of friendships are confused for more and if so what the hell is wrong with that)be an adult and say so. There I've said it.

Marcia H. Taylor Kowlessar

2006-03-04T22:19:00.000-05:00

March 30, 1947 to February 14,2006

She is on the right in both pictures...

Match.com

2006-01-31T21:38:00.000-05:00

So I went ahead and did it... I joined match.com. You'll have to search for the ad yourself if you want to see it. After a conversation with Dana on Saturday about how are we going to meet people to date, and the resounding silence that over took me and the failed attempt to even make friends (Mr Nice Smile seems not to be interested in my olive branch of friendship) I figured I needed to take matters into my own hands make some new acquaintances and go on a couple of dates.
I have done the internet dating thing before, and actually dated the polish princess for a while (now not really friends), Joel, who we never really dated however had possibly the best sex summer of my life with, I also met a good friend, who we still, even though he is in Chicago, talk about once or twice a week. So I'm no stranger to electronic match making
The thing with Match.com and its ilk is that it can be just a damaging to your self esteem as face to face meeting. One of the things that you can do is see how many times and by who your profile has been viewed. I find myself logging on just to see if anybody has looked at my profile, many times a hour. If I do decide to send someone an e-mail or a "smile" (the chickens way out) they can block you, you get an e-mail saying something like "xxxx isn't interested, there are many more like him here are some more for you too look at" followed by a list of others like the one that rejected you.
I give it up to those that do check that box and send the "regret" message. The only thing in my book that is worse that waiting for the phone to ring, from someone that you have left a message with is waiting for an e-mail.
Whats next speed dating?

Mates

2006-01-23T21:48:00.000-05:00

Not like "mate" your life partner, more like mate your friends. I have really good friends, I was thinking about that after my ill fated visit to the doctor when he told me that I should get out there, meet new people etc. Well I like the old people that I know. They have been there for many years and there seems to me no reason to replace them.
I do understand where he is coming from, its a little inconvenient that the bulk of my "hanging out" (all but my New York crew, you know who you are) friends live 600 miles away.
I was really never one of those people that had to seek friends out though. They always came to me. I can't say that I set out to meet a best friend when Dana and I met, we met in our dorm when we were both too hung over from the night before to go out again Or Matt and I met through a mutual friend and bonded in out mutual retail hell. So where does one start at 40 to get a group of folks to hang with.
The mechanics of doing that seem somewhat weird to me. I guess one could join a group, team, or take a class, except I really don't have any interests that folks have groups about (the how to sit on your couch group), I can't even imagine myself on any kind of team (the day I join a sports team would be a sure sign of the end of the world) I guess taking a class would be the really only option, but I think my laziness would win out on that front as well. There is always the internet but that seems odd to me, the internet is for shopping, porn and meeting people for sex (not that I would ever do that ...no comment from you Matt). You can go out but in thinking about social situations that I have been in, it seems to me that groups attract people, so for instance, a group of people in a bar look fun, and attract other people to that group, a person alone in a bar doesn't necessarily attract that attention, so they need to gravitate to the group, not my strong point at all. What do you do walk up to them and say "hey you guys look like fun lets hang out?"

Mother Nature

2006-01-18T19:47:00.000-05:00

I'll be writing about this for a while so all what 3 of you that read this bare with me.
I just got back from Rio de Janeiro (thank you Logo and MTV) and I was really struck by the beauty of the place. The natural beauty of the ocean, mountains vegetation and of course the people. They are the sexist bunch of folks I have seen ever. It was kind of scary.
Young, thin, fat, man, woman, black white, just dripped sex. My travel companion, Javier said at one point when we were at the gay beach, watching the sunset, on a cloudless Sunday, surrounded by men, in speedo's "how do the keep there hands off each other?" Good question.
Another thing that struck me was that in a different place I would have hated being there. I'm sure that on any given weekend in the summer you can go to fire island, and see a similar "tee dance". What I think made Rio Different was that these guys and gals live this year round. They are "work-a-day" people that whenever they get a chance go to the beach, drink AND smoke, they are not in a gay ghetto, there are people with families there, there are vendors, inbetween walking the beach selling everything from suntan lotion, to shots of Jonny Walker and Red Bull stop to dance, hang out and everybody kind of stopped what they were doing to watch the sunset, and applaud as the sun went down under the horizon.
I know a big part of it was the language thing, and I could understand what was being said around me but I know that these were just a normal bunch of people, not uber fags from Chelsea, Boystown in Chicago, or Palm Springs, that live this relaxed lifestyle even for a day a two a week, and most importantly, remember that a sunset, something that happens everyday, should be appreciated, even if you see it all the time.

Merlot

2006-01-06T19:03:00.000-05:00

Or any liquor really. There was a period, my hermit years, when I would drink a bottle of wine a day. Most days after work I would stop at the store pick up a bottle of wine and a lean cuisine or a frozen pizza and make a night of it. Looking from the outside in, it seems pretty sad, however it was what I needed. My mother had just died, I hated my job, I had a long string of failed attempts at dating, but I had cable TV, internet porn and enough money to hunker down and just make the time go by a little quicker with the help of booze.
When I moved back to NY I forgot that you have to go to an actual liquor store for wine. It was so simple in Chicago, any corner store had booze. There is a liquor store by me here but its kind of depressing, its all bullet proof glass, selling lottery tickets and pints of booze. I tried the wine and lean cuisine thing here but then it seemed VERY sad.
Fast forward 10 months and for what ever reason (it could be that on my follow up visit to my doctor, he pointed out that I should be depressed "being 40 and single, not allot of friends in New York,at a certain age its hard to meet new friends and harder to date.. I don't know how you do it, thank God I have a partner" or that yet again another failed attempt at a date, the letter from the IRS about missing 2003 returns I did them but god knows where they are the list goes on) I needed that "bottle of wine night".
I head out to the fancy wine store in prospect heights, because I'm fragile, and the ghetto liquor store might push me over the edge.
I buy my bottle of Shriaz head home. Good times!
I remember why I used to do this in the first place. Its not about taking the edge off (getting drunk) its all in the process. Its something to focus on , instead of worrying about whatever, its all about the wine. How much can I drink with out feeling like crap in the morning, is $12 bottle any better or worse than the $8 one, how many more glasses are there in this bottle anyway? I get a little burst of energy too. I mopped the kitchen, bought some music on Itunes, re lived the old ritual of talking to Matt drinking wine in Chicago while I was drinking wine here in Brooklyn, like I sad good times! Looking at internet porn, seems so much more dignified when you are drinking a mellow red wine.

P.S.Do these glasses look

A. Good?
B. like big fag glasses?
I'm torn...

Mystic

2006-01-01T22:11:00.000-05:00

There was a point in time when I would read my tarot cards daily. Numerous times a day actually. I can remember when I was in college and I would read Dana's cards, Dana would read my cards, we would read the cards of our neighbor K.C. I remember one night I read the cards of this guy that I had the hugest crash on, Drew I think was his name, he had gone to Central America as a frat guy and came back a poncho wearing "cool dude". I can remember distinctly he and I sitting up late in my apartment (the wavy brick house that Dana and I thought was so cool until winter set in, and it was cold as hell, and then there was summer when we were over run with fleas), reading his cards, trying to figure out how to get him naked. But alas he was still a straight frat guy at heart. I thought, I later heard a persistent rumor that he was infact gay, and I believe dating a drag queen in small town Ohio at the time.
I can't remember how the tarot thing came about, or who taught me how to read them. I think that it was one of the many women (girls really) in Athens, OH who liked to think of themselves as witches, but I'm not sure about that one.

I stopped reading them, a few years ago, I think because I don't think I ever really understood what my reading really meant. And if I did understand the reading, it was always a big resounding NO to whatever the query was. I would ask "Will I find love?" and cards number 1-9 would be confusing however the final out come card would be awful. I had some cards that no matter what I would always get. the nine and ten of swords would always come up for me not good cards to have in the 10th position when you are asking for your soulmate. They say that getting the devil card or the death card is not necessarily bad, not with these card.
I also tended to ask the same questions over and over, hoping to get an answer that I wanted.
Will I find love? 10 of swords is the answer. Will love find me? 9 of swords the answer. Will I be able to save some money in the near future? The Fool would be the answer. So I figured I'd stop. I mean it took about 15 years but I got the answer and stopped.
Until Today. I figured its a new year, a new decade for me, why not give them a try. The deck was here, I still had the books to give me a refresher on what the cards meant. and no matter what I will only do one reading.
My old friend the nine of swords was in the reading...but in the 5th position, which is things that MIGHT be in my future. and my last card, the card which is the outcome of your query was the 9 of cups, the wish card, the old tarot book says "can mean wish come true, especially in the tenth Celtic position" however, it was upside down... "Wish will not be fulfilled at this time"
Story of my life.

My how time flies

2005-12-26T22:53:00.000-05:00

June 10 1989, originally uploaded by Mother N in the big C.

This is graduation day. It seems so long ago and like yesterday at the same time.

Merry Merry, why you buggin'

2005-12-25T09:07:00.000-05:00

The holiday season is upon us (me) like a ton of bricks. I have always used the fact that because I worked in retail for the reason I didn't join in the Christmas madness. You work in it all day long, sometimes your job depends on your performance at work during the holidays. I remember when I was a district manager, and had to travel to stores all over the glorious Midwest, nothing says Christmas joy, like flying to Detroit in the middle of a snow storm to beat up a staff for not selling enough
"things for, or inspired for the garden".
But this year working with kids one would think that I would love the season with those smiling happy faces, expectant of what Santa will bring.I should be decking the halls, singing carols, wearing Santa hats. But no, still the same grinch I have always been. I guess there aren't kids in my family really, my brother and his kids are in Australia (bitches I hate them) and my other nephew is just plain weird. But is that really an excuse. There are plenty of adults that love this time of year. They go all out. I just think it would be pretty said, decking these halls with my socks in the living room and a full ashtray on the coffee table.
I always think I'm going to at least send out some cards, make an effort and put some thought into the few gifts that I do buy. But nope. Christmas carols actually put me in a bad mood around Christmas time. I usually get the Christmas spirit in July, I will belt out carols in the shower on the hottest day in the summer.

Molar

2005-12-21T16:32:00.000-05:00

First of all, its 92 degrees in my office. I went out to the dollar store at lunch today and bought a thermometer.

Anyway, I was eating an apple today and a piece (small though it may be) of an OLD silver filling came out of my bottom left molar. Those who know me understand that I have this aversion, fear, or laziness about going to the dentist. About a month or so ago the same tooth was experiencing the a similar problem, another piece of the filling was moving around kind of causing a little bit of discomfort, but thanks to a couple of sticks of gum, that part of the filling came right out.

The thing about going to the dentist with me is that I always have a bad experience. The last trip to the dentist that I had consisted of him, while replacing a filling (come to think of it the same one I'm having a problem with now) having a heated argument with the assistant, about a mistake that she had made on a previous patient that caused them to have to pull that persons tooth.
The time before that, I was having my teeth cleaned and the woman cleaning them, lost a fake fingernail in my mouth, that had come through her gloved finger and landed under my tongue.

This current problem is a bit worrisome because a-the long holiday weekend is coming up and the last thing I need is to have a dental emergency on X-mas eve in the middle of a transit strike b-I have a trip to Rio in a couple of weeks and with my luck I'll be doubled over in mouth pain the entire time I'm there, and c- I have really crappy dental insurance, and this just doesn't seem like on of those problems that came be fixed with Bubble Yum.

M.T.A.

2005-12-18T22:00:00.000-05:00

Last night I went to a Christmas Party (who knew that I would go to 2 count them 2 Christmas party's!) in Harlem. It was at a co worker of a friend of mines house so I guess that I wasn't really invited to the party. So we get there, it was very painless traveling up there found the place without any problems. I decided that I was going to try and be social, its not that I'm anti-social, just painfully shy for someone that is forty (there I said it I'm 40!) and I know that in a social situation where I don't know any one its even harder for me not to throw up my defenses, and basically look bitchy.
Anyway, the people at the party were very nice,Madonna all night long on the playlist good food and the host were great, a boy+boy couple, nice house 2 dogs blah, blah blah (see bitchy). Their friends were actually allot like my friends in Chicago, to the point were allot of the things that they were saying paralleled the inside jokes that my friends have (they actually quoted the line from "Good Times" when Florida Evans had the breakdown at James Evans', her husbands wake "Damn Damn Damn")
Anyway I decided that I would try and talk to some folks, I spoke with this great guy, in his sixties I would imagine, gay, black, funny as hell, he is what I would like to be at his age(My older me) a very animated women, who loved to talk politics, there was this cute guy, that was moving from Las Vegas to New York, he was part of the "Good Times" crew, and this very, VERY handsome man with a killer smile.
He and I talked for a while, would stop talking, meet up and talk for a while some more. At one point when we weren't talking he was looking at me smiling and waiving at me from across the room.
Fun party, great food, and booze. Now I'm digging the guy with the straight teeth, but I have been drinking, and lately since I moved from Chicago my booze tolerance has gone way down. So I ease up on the booze because I want to stay sharp for Mr. Nice Smile. My older me, has other ideas, we were talking about vodka's he loves to "get his drink on" and we decided to see if there really is a difference in vodka, we tried the Grey Goose, Sky, Aboslut, Stoli, etc.
Mr Nice smile always in eye sight.
I'm still holding it together, ditch My older me a hit the kitchen for some water, there is Mr. Nice smile speaking to my friend about how he is really shy, and he meets guys that he likes but he thinks that they don't like him, or he never makes the first move so I'm thinking "why is he saying this to her", "is he talking about me", "I think the room is beginning to spin a little" " I can't find a clean glass for some water, I wonder if it would be bad party etiquette to open the tap and but my head under it to sober up a bit" Anyway I pull it together, and I jump in the conversation my friend bows out and leave us in the kitchen, we chat some more, I ask him for his number. He smiles his big smile, takes my hand, says he would love to "hang out with me" and we exchange numbers.
We chat some more, he asks me what I'm doing for the rest of the night, I say, heading back to Brooklyn, I ask him the same question, he is staying at a friends apartment, she moved to NJ but her place uptown is still there and I would be easier for him to stay there than head back to Brooklyn. Now in hindsight that was a flirt, the more I think about it, the more I know he was flirting hard. But the haze of the 5 different kinds of Vodka kept me from realizing that. When I didn't respond he said that he was going to get some "cake" left and never came back
I decide that now is the time to leave, knowing that I am at 148th and Amsterdam sinks in. I say my farewells, convince myself that Mr nice smile has moved on to someone else, and leave the party its around 3:30
The M.T.A.
I head toward the 1 train, but can't find the station.
I go back to the A,C,B,D, I wait for A downtown, nothing
I go downstairs and wait for the D, B, downtown, nothing
An uptown D train comes in on the downtown track, things are not looking good at all, I have to pee, Mr. Nice smile is probably hooking up with that ugly guy I saw him talking to, and I'm getting a headache already.
I get on the Uptown D, I'll take that to 161 street (Yankee Stadium, The BRONX) and transfer to the 4 train back to Brooklyn.
On the D, it doesn't stop at 161 street, going uptown at night no train does if I read the transit alerts that I get e-mailed to me I would know that but, who would have thought I was going to the Bronx at no 4:30 am on Sunday.
I get off the train at Treemont Ave and the Grand Concourse, (almost to Westchester, not really but far into the Bronx)
Go to the Downtown platform, with all the other hapless souls that didn't read the alerts either.
Wait for the downtown D which does stop at 161 street, my getting a headache is now a full on headache, I think that Mr. Nice smile is probably in the throws of passion with that ugly guy by now, and I really, really have to pee.
Things are looking up because as I get to 161 street, with Yankee Stadium in the background the #4 train pulls in the station, and I get a seat.
Now the #4 should be express, However, not at 5:00am on Sundays, I would say about 25 stops later, I get to my station, run home, make it just in time to the loo, grab some aspirin and decide that Mr. Nice smile and ugly guy are spooning now in the afterglow of lovemaking, planning their lives together, eh he probably had dentures anyway.
I'll probably call him just to confirm my date rejection however hopefully at the very least I've met a new friend.

Milestone... The UP side

2005-12-14T11:50:00.000-05:00

On the positive side of my 40th birthday, I didn't burst into flames when I got up this morning, I still have my teeth (most of them) and I can still achieve an erection without pills, inhalant, or devices.
I actually think, I look better than ever, and I still have a keen fashion sense that compensates for most of my body flaws. I have really great friends, and have been slowly getting to know my siblings again. The move back to New York was a good thing. Once I figure out what I want to do when I grow up, and get out of "The Kingdom" things will be even better. Working at the kingdom hasn't been that bad either, I found out I really like kids after all, and helping out my sister while she goes through chemo, or natural healing, or whatever it is this week is a good thing.
This year alone I got to see west coast Dana, New Orleans before the flood, and the yearly pilgrimage to Montreal. Rio is on the horizon in January (thank you very much Logo and MTV, I promise to switch to DirectTV so I can watch you, its the least I can do). I think I committed to para- or wind sailing in Costa Rica for east coast Dana's Birthday (I think that will translate into waving from the boat while she does that).
All in all, all is well, an occasional date would be nice...but lets not get crazy

Milestone... The down side

2005-12-13T14:23:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow... The 14th of December will be my 40th birthday. Its one of those birthdays that I'd say things like "when I'm 40 I'll never... fill in the blank". Things like I would never hang out in bars all the time (which I guess I don't do anymore), or I'd quit smoking by the time I'm 40 (I think I smoke more now), by my 40th b-day I would have retired from my career as a go go boy, and of course that would have meant that I would have actually used the Bally Health Club membership more that 10 times in the last 10 years. I would have adopted children with my partner, and he and I still have amazing earth-shattering sex.The list goes on. In reality although most of those things are not the way that I would have planned things are not to bad. After a really great weekend with great friends, some of which came in to town to help me celebrate my b-day, it punctuated that things are good and actually on the up swing. Of course it would be nice to have earth-shattering sex on a semi regular basis would be a plus...

My dad

2005-12-04T16:47:00.000-05:00

You have a new Picture Mail, originally uploaded by mtaylor718.

I spent Thanksgiving with my father in Jamaica (which I guess means that it really wasn't Thanksgiving). It was a LONG 6 days, but looking back I'm glad that I spent the time with him. We were not very close, but with the events of the past few years I have been making an effort to get to know him better. 6 days in the country in Jamaica is pushing it tho.

Medic...

2005-11-20T12:49:00.000-05:00

Went to the doctor and to my surprise I picked, totally at random a gay doctor. I had to choose a primary care physican, and picked this guy completely randomly.
Once I got the HIP card I decided I better get to the doctor, on the edge of 40, smoking about a pack a day, and not knowing how much longer I can hold out at the Kingdom the sooner the better. After a series of calls back and forth to the doctors office, I get an appointment, I think it a little strange that every interaction with the office that I had was with various men. I can't ever remember going to a doctors office and seeing it completely staffed with men, but I thought nothing of it.
So I show up at the office, very nice room,almost "loungy". I go to the desk, get the forms from the guy behind the desk, how looked like my first boyfriend, I'm still not convinced that it wasn't him.
I scan the room, there are three other people, a woman sitting alone reading The Advocate, and two men sitting together, holding hands. I begin to think that this is a gay practice. I've always steered clear of gay doctors. Being gay I didn't want the kind of familarality that I thought seeing a gay doctor might bring. My doctor should be a man, old as dirt, kind of mean or matter of fact.

Anyway its my turn, I go in to see him, he is not old, my age give or take a few years, non discript looking.

Long story short, he is gay and I think its the best doctors visit that I have ever had. He was very familar yes but it didn't bother me. Very talkative a little funny, wanted to make sure that I was practicing safe sex, when I laughed and said I was practicing the safest sex possible by myself he told me I should get out more,date and get "some" (ok that was a little familar).

Madonna

2005-11-18T22:30:00.000-05:00

I'm such a Madonna fag.
When I think about it I've always been. I remember the first time I heard a Madonna song. It was on WBLS the Frankie Crocker show. It was "Everybody". I was a Madonna fan before I knew, or I guess admitted to myself that I was a fag.
Fast forward a few decades, and I still love her. I'm listening to the new CD, over and over tring to like it. Don't get me wrong, its okay, and there are a couple of stand out tracks on it, but alas its another "American Life" a few songs you listen to once or twice and then never listen to them again.
I want this CD to do well. I want the kids to love it, I guess I don't want Madonna to fall out of favor with the masses. It doesn't have as much to do with her as it does with me. Along as she stays popular with the kids, I'm able to clutch onto my youth. But here is the rub... I'm not that in love with her music. Does she appeal to the kids and not to me does that mean that I'm too old to relate to her music? Does that mean that she is old and the kids like her today like the kids of my day (not me) went crazy for the Beatles?

Am I give to much energy to Madonna?

Manners

2005-11-17T16:44:00.000-05:00

There is all this talk about people getting ruder, that everyone is in there own zone, so they don't have the "time" for common courtesy. I know that I am guilty of that. A perfect example, I'm walking down the street, no reason to be in a hurry, and I am so pissed off at the old people in front of me taking up the sidewalk, strolling like they had nothing to do (like myself).
Most of the time though it seems like I'm the one that is mannerly. Like when I buy cigarettes, the woman that works there is always on the phone (I always wonder who folks are talking too? I guess I'm really unpopular because my cell phone rarely rings, actually when the phone does ring I assume that its bad news or a bill collector). Even though she is on the phone, I always say please and thank you. I tried a couple of times to just say "camel lights" without the please, or pay get my change and walk out without saying thank you, or making some sort of eye contact, as not to disturb her on her call, but it just never seems right I felt bad about it and almost wanted to go back.
Sometimes when I'm on the train I feel like I should give my seat to a senior citizen. I did that once in Chicago, and the woman told me "I'm not that much older than you honey...Keep the fucking seat" I haven't done that since.

My new digs...

2005-10-26T11:01:00.000-04:00

You have a new Picture Mail, originally uploaded by mtaylor718.

Not really... my personal hell for the next three weeks

Mr. Mom

2005-10-26T10:34:00.000-04:00

Due to my "big heart" (read no backbone) I have been thrust into the role of working mother. For the next three weeks I am taking care of my nephew. Doug is 15 and one of the strangest kids. I really think that if he were white, he would be one of those Goth kids, you know spiked hair black Eye-liner etc.
His strangeness manifests itself as a total introvert. Which would be fine except he is completely helpless, the kid would starve if someone wasn't there to take care of him. He usually has a live in maid and a mother at his beck and call but, for the next three weeks all bets are off.
His parents think that in all of their absences I will do that. Um no. Doug is embarking on a three week course on cooking cleaning and laundry. He is not happy about it. But I know that I was a pretty spoiled kid but I knew how to do my laundry and cook for myself even if it was just a hamburger or something. This kid knows nothing. Not how to make toast. Seriously.
So afterwork I go to my apartment for about a hour, chain smoke and look at porn on line, get on the subway then bus to my sisters house. Doug is at home on the computer there, I get him in the kitchen and he stands off to the side in the back as I cook dinner the deal is, if he doesn't want to learn that's fine, but he is going to watch me cook and he will clean up. He then goes to his room for the rest of the night. I sleep there and get up in the morning to make sure he goes to school. Then I come home, chain smoke and look at porn, shower and go to work. It seems like I have been doing this for weeks however its only been two days...

MY students

2005-10-19T16:36:00.000-04:00

Today I gave my first batch of tests to my lovely students...basically all they had to do was go through and work on all the computer skills that we have gone over... they had to trouble shoot the computer (I unplugged various things like the mouse keyboard etc) log on to the system, check their e-mail, create a word document, using 3 fonts and 3 colors, attach it to the e-mail, build a spread sheet in excel that has a graph showing the distribution of colors in a bag skittles. Then they attached all of that to an email and send that to me. Most of them tried and got some of the things done but one girl sent me this...

Hello Mr.Taylor,my favorite

teacher in

the whole

world
.
she gets an A

Mayor

2005-10-18T13:55:00.000-04:00

The building that I live in used to house the school that I work for. The empty classrooms are for rent and we were contacted by the Campaign to re-elect Mayor Bloomberg, they need the space for training and coordinating the election effort. So on Sunday after spending the day with my father, (85 y/o and pushy as ever) I had to run interference for my brother- in-law and the Mayors people. Since I have been working at the Kingdom, I have really come to understand how isolated both he and my sister are from the real world. I guess my sister gets it, that's why they asked me to be there for the meeting ('I'm American' although they have been in America longer than I've been alive) however I digress.

So Sunday morning the real estate broker shows up and we wait for the first person from the Bloomberg Campaign to show, we wait 2 hours, person 1 comes, loves the space, calls person 2, they take an additional 1 hour, they love the space, and finally the big wigs show up and really love the space.

I wish I had a tape recorder for the small talk that went on while we waited. The conversation went from bi racial children and their relationship to their grandparents, to the Atlantic Yards project and what they will do to the neighborhood.
There was a creepiness about the Bloomberg folks kind of like the Borg from Star Trek, they all look alike and talk alike, Atlantic yards "good"
crime "bad" etc.
Yesterday I met yet another person from the campaign, obviously the person that makes the final decision, nice very stylish woman in her early 30's tops. As we were chatting I told her the history of the school etc. and how I fit into the scheme of things. She said " I knew that you couldn't be a teacher, you have great fashion sense"
Bloomberg will stoop to anything to get a vote, but flattery will get you very close in my book.

P.S.

I could have skipped to the last paragraph, I just wanted to write that some stylish woman said that I had great fashion sense...I wonder if she has a brother?

Marry me...

2005-09-20T14:20:00.000-04:00

There goes the bride..., originally uploaded by superterrific.

Just out having some fun.

Maid

2005-08-20T20:20:00.000-04:00

My sister and her husband (the king and queen of the Magic Kingdom) have a live in maid, Miss Gwen. A little history here, in Jamaica, it is not uncommon to have a live in maid, or two (called helpers), they basically do that they help, cook, clean etc. The king and queen have of course taken this to a new level, Miss Gwen wake up at 5 every morning to prepare a full "west Indian breakfast" that is served promptly at 6:30 for the prince of the kingdom so he can get to school and then again for the king and queen at 7:45. There are two sittings in which the table is set with china and cloth napkins. Miss Gwen serves the food into plates, and upon request even cuts the kings food into bite sized pieces (no lie). After breakfast, (the king leaves scraps of left overs on the plate saying "Gwen-do don't throw away this toast and used tea bag this is for you", Gwen has to put on her cleaning clothes and clean the house daily from top to bottom. They live in a town house on 4 floors, which she uses boiling water and rags, on her hands and knees to clean. She then prepares lunch and dinner in a similar fashion to the breakfast. Her day usually end at around 8 or 9 she sits on the stairs to the basement, until then waiting to be called upon for snacks or the spot in the tub that she missed while cleaning. She sleeps in the basement on one of those benches that are just long enough to fit under the stairs. I wont even say how much she gets paid, but lets just say that you or I would spend that easily in an afternoon out. She works from Sunday night until Friday afternoon. So when she said that she wanted to clean my place on Saturdays, I objected, that is her only full day off, she has a husband, get some rest, and truthfully, I really didn't feel like hiding the porn, and feeling the embarrassment of another person, cleaning my crap.

She however did not take no for an answer and bright and early this morning knocked on my door, pushed past me rag and bucket in hand, and cleaned this place from top to bottom. Its so clean I don't even want to sit down for fear that I'll mess it up. When I tried to give her some money for her troubles, she was very offended, and said that I remind her so much of my mother, and that she would do anything for her. So she would do anything for me, that she want to make my place nice and "sexy"

So now that I have a nice "sexy" apartment, all I need to do is have sex here.

Market Days 2005 take 1

2005-08-07T23:31:00.000-04:00

One of the highlights of living in Chicago is Market Days, or the idea of what market days should or could be. It is this street festival in Chicago that happens once a year, down Halsted Street, in "Boystown" (West Coast Dana coined the name years before it became popular). Marketdays has the makings of a good time. Its summer, the streets are closed off for two days and nights, you can drink, and smoke, eat and shop, for over 24 hours. The boys, work out at the Baly's at Century Mall all year so they can wear their shorts low and their shirts off. For me it has always been a guilty pleasure, I can drink all day, look at boys and hang out with friends... that is in theory.
When I moved back to New York, I promised myself that I would come back to Chicago for Market Days, and party. So Here I am in Chicago, marketdays (MD) is over, and alas like most of them before, the thought of the Side show, was again so much more promising that the reality of it (the story of my life).
I must say that it was really good to see my friends, I had great times, laughing at silly things that at the time were so funny but you would have had to be there to get the joke, I was able to have Sunday Brunch, a ritual of my Chicago life that is absent now it was even good to go shopping on the Mag Mile. There is always that person that you run into that make you fell good about staying in the sun all day because that is the only time that you will run into them.
The thing with days like these is that there is a group of folks that you have to coordinate with to get anything done, so that can be a drag at times. The low point was when the group decided that it was time to eat, I could have kept on drinking, and looking at the strippers at Cocktail, and that we would travel by taxi, to a restaurant, for burgers...think about that, we left a street fair, you couldn't swing a cat without hitting a stand that was selling burgers, to get burgers.
I also felt like I looked good this MD. There have been years that I have been there and felt as if I was the ugliest fattest thing that was in the throngs of people there, but on the eve of my 40th birthday I must say that in a crowd of buffed, shirtless, shaved bodied men, if didn't feel like going home and hiding under the bed in a room with no mirrors.
I actually missed Chicago for the first time since I left, and truthfully, it was a little more emotional for me to leave than it was the day that I moved.
Funny huh?

Melee

2005-07-27T15:38:00.000-04:00

Back at the Kingdom (the most wonderful place on earth) one has to wonder why everything is an emergency. You would think that dealing with children, in a medium sized business, things would not get to this state of panic. Coming to work here I thought that my big challenges would be, 1 kids, I never really liked them, 2. My brother in law and by default my sister. I have actually come to like children in small doses, the confusion that surrounds my brother in law is amazing.

Part of what is going on at MK is consolidation of two buildings into one, moving desks chairs, chalkboards, and books from one building into another. Simple and straight forward, but because everything has to be done on the cheap. "I know this guy, his brother lived down the road from us in Guyana he can move the chalk, then there is so and so's husband that will move math books he is from Trinidad but he is a good one...".

Did I say that the move is only one block. In my mind and maybe that's why I don't have any money I would have just paid the money and had someone come and move the crap and be done with it.

On the receiving side the renovation are entering the 3rd month, with the new tile coming up already, paint put on so thickly that doors will no longer close, and the list goes on. Through it all, Desmond is the smart one, everyone else is stupid. It was smart to undergo the renovation of a school with no general contractor, it was smart not to have plans submitted to the city before starting work, the list goes on. What all of this creates is an atmosphere of panic, even the kids can sense the confusion, like the boogie man in the closet, they all, and we the staff here, are waiting for that monster to jump out and scare us, like someone screaming fire in a theatre.

Martini

2005-07-19T22:40:00.000-04:00

I was thinking about a good friend of mine, West Coast Bob and It brought back a memory of a night when we both lived in Chicago. As best as I can remember it, it was around Christmas and my birthday, and a friend was having a holiday party, at a bar, that was an open bar, (I love the open bar). I decided that to maximize the free booze I would have martinis. I am not a liquor pussy, and have had many a martini in my life so what's the harm. I remember Bob looking at me, with disapproving eyes when I said "come on lets all have martinis!" No one took the bait but me. Fast forward a couple of hours and It was my own private party, or at least I was the host. I would have had a conversation with a lamp. There did come a point that night that I knew it was time to leave. But where was my coat? Forget my coat, what bar was this again, and how do I get home from here. I pleaded with Bob and Matt to get my coat from coat check, they both just cast that knowing smile, thinking "I know Michael, he's not that bad off, and anyway you dance with the devil (devil=martini)..." As I try to process how to get through the crowd to get my coat and get out of there I'm still in party mode, chatting with strangers, enemies, bartenders, and sofa pillows. I have a fuzzy memory of getting into a cab but the next real memory I have is waking up, at home (thank god) alone, (thank god again?) in bed nude. When I wake up nude, I know that heavy drinking was involved, (once I woke up nude with a Checkers Cheese Burger wrapper and a pickle stuck to my forehead ah youth). I thought Jesus I left my coat, I love that coat, I go into the living room to see my front door ajar, my clothing and coat in the doorway keeping it form closing. That was my last open martini bar, but not my last martini.

Monday

2005-07-18T10:00:00.000-04:00

So with one week left before I return to the Magic Kingdom, back to slavery, I was set to start off my last week of freedom with a healthy dose of TV watching. Oh yes, primetime in the daytime. Two episodes of ER then Judging Amy, NYPD Blue and 2 hours of law and order. However the Dish Network had a different plan. Last night after 6 feet under, thank god, the signal went out. Not a big deal because with the Dish that happens whenever its going to rain. In my gut though I felt like something was really amiss. Like the feeling you get late on a Sunday, that dread about work, bright and early Monday morning. I ignored it and went to bed, hoping that the storm clouds would pass and that TV would be mine in the morning. But no, no smiling Matt and Katie this morning.
So I call the Dish folk, I have been chatting with them lately anyway, seeing if they were going to carry LOGO, (they are not) and seeing what penalties that I would incur if I switched to Direct TV which does carry LOGO. My political stance, I want my Gay TV. Could they be messing with fags TV all over "we'll show them, they wont get LOGO or anything else, we'll cut them off right before Queer and Folk".
Anyway after endless prompts I speak to a nice lady in India, that informs me after many steps here that someone needs to come out and assess the problem. That the earliest time would be Thursday and that it will cost me, $99!
So much for a week of TV, no primetime in the daytime, no endless channel surfing,
what's a boy to do?

I guess post to his blog.

Moody

2005-07-11T10:36:00.000-04:00

Moodiness is a good thing. For years I thought, god Michael you are a moody guy, bordering on being a bitch. Truth of the matter my moods are nothing more than a defense mechanism that I have come to hold close to my heart. Its gotten me this far and have no reason to dismiss it now.
What is being moody? Good question, for me it really is just shutting down, I'm really good at doing that in a crowd. A perfect example would be a month or so ago I was going to a queer art opening, I had a great dinner with a friend and off we went. The invitation came from another friend of mine that I have known for years, his work was being displayed there. The second that I saw the gallery my mood changed to bad. Had a great time at the opening, and had a great time afterward, but I bet $50 that if I went in all happy and everything, I probably wouldn't.

Moody is also speaking your mind (read Martyr and coming soon Martyr part 2). I understand why someone might think that I'm moody when I speak my mind, if they don't really know me anyway. The thing is that I am not generally an opinionated person so when I do, look out "he's in a bad mood".

I'm just a guy with a sunshiny disposition, with an occasional storm cloud.

MetroCard

2005-07-10T10:49:00.000-04:00

Having a friend in New York I rode the subway allot last week. It reminded me how much I love trains. When I was a kid I would beg to ride the subway. The best family outings for me were when we would go to my aunts house in The Bronx. Almost riding the #2 train end to end.
The thing about the subway here in New York is that it really is the great equalizer, almost everyone rides it at some point. I still notice little things about the trains, like that the new "smart cars" are made in Quebec. Or that the scrolling signs on my train recently changed, now saying that the #3 is not only the 7th ave express but its also the Eastern Parkway local (gentrification its the hood).
When I was a kid I would act like I had someplace to go, but just ride the trains, like a mole person, never coming above ground but going all over the city.
The trains are a great place to people watch, since most people don't make eye contact on the trains its easy to look at folks. Some of my fashion statements made when I was in high school were discovered in the subway.
it seemed so natural to me to ride the subway to High School, I was a little disappointed that I didn't get into Bronx High School of Science not because it was a better High School than Brooklyn Tech, but that Tech was just a 15 min ride on the train and I didn't have to change lines.
A guilty pleasure of mine when I travel is ride the subway of what ever city I visit, some folks go to museums, its the trains for me.
One of the great disappointments of Chicago, for me wasn't the weather, it was the fact that I was so underwhelmed by the "l" there.
Guess that just makes me a simple man with simple pleasures = boring?

Madness

2005-07-02T22:33:00.000-04:00

I have a good friend in town this weekend and decided to play the good host and take him around. Its the right thing to do of course and I will also dip my feet, or at least a toe into gay New York life after over a decade of being away from it. I have been out a few times before this weekend but to a bar here or there in the EV. With company in town I felt thatto give him that total NY experience we needed to do Chelsea (mistake #1). He likes to dance and I know that as a good host I need to get over myself, bite the bullet and head on out and cut the rug with the young and beautiful. If I can avoid looking at myself in any mirrors I can get through the night right? I love music , I used to live to go out and dance, so how bad could it be? Very bad.

After little research we settled on Splash (mistake #2). I can't even go into the grizzley details, lets just say Friday night is called "Tribe", and the usual cast of characters were there, our shirtless friends, our friends with the flags, glo stick boy, with his better half lazer pointer man. All of this not new to me could have been bearable, IF the music was good. When did a good house music song stop having lyrics? It was beat after beat, not a word to be heard (hence the name Tribe). I wanted to stick hot pencils in my ears. Every other second all I wanted to do was have a cigarette but alas no even that has been taken away.
Its at moments like that when I can truly feel along in a crowd. Everyone else seemed to be having fun? Along with my bad house keeping skills, did I loose the disco/party gene as well, whats next my snappy fashion sense?

Martyr

2005-06-30T09:40:00.000-04:00

My friend Adrienne and I have had many heated conversations over the years that I have known her. We met back in 1979 (yikes) in school and have been in close contact since then, She is a colorful" person and in her defense has been through and is going through allot in her life. As a result today she is a troubled person at times and has a few demons that she is living with.
I usually yield to her on most points because years of knowing her tells me that there is no changing her mind on what she believes and she really does live for conflict. Until yesterday.
She was making a point about language and appearance and whether or not it makes a difference in how one is perceived. As usual she went on a rant, and I did my dishes, surf the internet and used the bathroom while she went on. But, something snapped, I stopped being the martyr and argued back.
It felt great! It must have been a sentence or something that slipped into my conscienceness, that made no sense to me. We were back and forth (I was totally right of course). I think it caught her off guard and actually made her pause for a second. I smelled blood and argued like I haven't in years. We both stayed on topic for the most part and it went on a while. Her phone battery actually ran out and that ended the argument.

So this morning, after I'm sure there was some as she puts it "partying" I get an e-mail:
We have been friends for years, but last night was out-of-control. There most be some underlying stuff going on between us and I think that it is best that we part friends now before anything else happens.

My point was and still is (so that you can hear it) is that how you or I live is our business. How we speak, interact, choose to love, hate is an individual thing and I don't like intolerance because it feels like being strangled. Whether you agree or disagree is irrelevant. There are more pressing issues like my mother's cancer and my sister's operation.

I am not your enemy nor always incapable of respecting a difference of opinion, but I am tired of listening to people talk about certain communities without really knowing what they are about. As you said not everything is black and white neither is "Hip Hop." I may not always like what I hear, but so what, no one does and being "articulate" and "educated" doesn't work for everybody.

What makes you happy or succeed, I respect and I would hope that you could do the same without it becoming WWIII.

My mother was hysterical and instead of apologizing you were still "caught up" in the moment. It was out-of control and it doesn't make any sense. Something is wrong and I need to move on.

I'll always care about you.

Take care of yourself and thank you for being there.

My response:

If there is "underlying things going on between us" they are things that are your issue. I find it ironic that a disagreement on a given issue you feel is a friendship breaker. I if that is your wish then so be it. The intolerance that you speak is your issue you have when you say that it makes you feel like you are being strangled an intolerance that you have on my view. The fact that you say that i makes you feel like you are being strangled speaks volumes to your intolerance of my point of view. Trying to take the higher ground I give you that In bubble people can do what they want. And money a fame give you a bubble that become visible to others. Most of us however do not have that visible bubble and have to live in the real world, they have to function in a world that interacts with others which conventional norms. If you choose not to participate in these norms don't blame mainstream society for not bending to fit you. That is my point. Whether I agree or disagree with the way you speak Is not the issue, the issue is that there is a way to speak and act in the mainstream and if you don't or wont adhere to that there will be consequences.

I am sorry that your mother was upset by our argument last night and I of all people am aware of the stress that you have been under. And you are right it really doesn't make any sense.

She is absolutely right there are underlying issues, if by having a disagreement and not being a martyr I have somehow crossed a line then so be it. The lesson to be learned I guess is that holding your tongue might not always be the best thing. I wonder if 10 years ago I instead of doing my dishes listened to her and responded to a rant what the have been the outcome?

No sex for Michael count: 33 days

Mundane

2005-06-28T12:58:00.000-04:00

Willfully mundane however. Probably since I started working at the Magic Kingdom I have been eagerly waiting for the summer break. The days just dragged. I just wanted to not go there for a whole month. What could be better than that? I was fixated on June 24. I never really stopped to think what I would do. Just not going would be enough. Which kind of speaks volumes on how I live. Planning is not a problem for me, its detail planning, that’s the mystery. My mind just doesn’t work that way.

I can look forward to an event; a perfect example is a trip I took to Amsterdam a few years back. For me the satisfaction came in deciding to go. It was a big deal, go to Amsterdam by myself. The planning was done. Forget the fact that I hadn’t gotten a hotel, thought about what I was going to do when I got there, save for the trip, come on now. All I knew is that I had the plane ticket and I was going. I just let the trip happen to me. I had a terrific time despite myself and lack of planning.

So now I’m on summer break the first one I’ve had since the 80’s and I am very happy to let it happen to me. I’ll be bored, watch days on end of primetime in the day time, smoke way to many cigarettes, look at a lot of porn in the web. By the last week or so I will start to think that I have wasted the break and in a flurry try to fit in all the things I wish I had done but just couldn’t get off the couch to do it. Then back to the Kingdom, but I’ll have Christmas break to look forward too.

No sex for Michael count: 31 days

Mob part 2

2005-06-26T21:48:00.000-04:00

IMG_0511, originally uploaded by mtaylor718.

umm need I say more

Music

2005-06-25T13:54:00.000-04:00

Finishing unpacking today (almost 4 months after the move) I saved my records for last. Not a sentimental desicion but because I wanted to alphabetize them, I was thinking about music and how it can trigger memories. Every handful of vinyl I pulled out of a box reminded me of a time or night or person. With the records they mostly brought to mind college. Many a drunken night in Athens Ohio at O'hooleys Progessive Dance Night, (Gay Night) in the late 80's. I was the DJ of sorts. I would mix tapes and provide them to the owner on an almost weekly basis. A few times I carted my turntables and mixer down and spun live. It was all part of the master plan to some day own my own club.

The songs were at the time, life for me and my friends. Book Love "Boy" or New Order "Blue Monday" would whip the dance floor into a frenzy. In retrospect, that was my 15 minutes of fame, and it lasted for about three years. Everybody new that "cool a-sexual black guy from New York"and his cooler friend Dana (are they boyfriend/girlfriend, I heard he/she was gay/lesbian bi...they have a cool apt....did you get invited to their party/afterhours) . Music stayed with me when I moved to Chicago. No more tapes made but still a collector, I could name that dance tune in 5 seconds or less and probably owned it in some form or another. For a while there we would play follow that DJ and you would know where I was at any given night by where Teri Bristol was spinning that night. I remembered being in D.C. for the March on Washington truthfully I can't remember why we were marching but I do remember parting my ass off in New York and then in DC hanging out in Dupont Circle and overhearing a sweet little lady from somewhere in the south on the payphone telling someone back home "there are homosexuals everywhere... but they're all so sweet" and going into Tracks (sneaking in the back, paying the security $10 instead of the $15 and waiting in line) looking up at the DJ booth and seeing Terri, I caught her I and she played The Wee Papa Girl Rappers "Heat it Up" just for me (in my mind anyway). Adult friends replaced the college ones (I here pianos Elise, et al). As the years past going out and dancing was replaced with going out and drinking and looking for one night stands. Music still stayed with me but mixing went away until about a few years ago when, a one night stand actually, turned me on to DJ Trackor mixing software. Beat mix your mp3's right on your computer...the dream is alive!

Mob

2005-06-24T11:54:00.000-04:00

Or The Gay Pride Parade pick your city.
When all is said and done, I almost always have a good time and leave feeling energize (read as desensitized) and ready to face the summer.

Its the run up to gay pride is the strange thing. It usually starts around the first time you see an ad for the DJ of the minute spinning at the club/bar of the minute. Then there is pride month on the movie channels (that's when they show Longtime Companion, And the Band Played On and the like) . That's when I question whether or not I'll go to the mob scene. Years gone by the answer was aways YES. How there was no doubt that I would, after all it was my duty as a... well you can drink in the streets, and try and look up boys shorts as they go by on the floats. The run up to the parade was filled with who's apartment were you going to start drinking at, and what was the drink of choice (raspberry Fool ). Where were we going to stand to get the best view, close to bathrooms, and to a bar or 7-11 and for that matter what was the drink to carry with you, my favorite was the vodka and slurpee year.
Now the excitement is almost non existent, I haven't been for a few years now to the actual parade, I went a couple of years ago and sat in a bar in the window and watched the parade go by but that was kind of sad like fast forwarding 20 years (the bar was the North End) and one year I went with a friend after the parade looking for the drunk and the willing or as I like to put it catch a slow one from the heard, again fast forward 20 years.
But this is a new year, new city, and new me? and I have a new attitude damn it!
Well not really, but I'll go.
I hope baggy shorts are in again this year.

No sex for Michael count: 27 days

Messy

2005-06-23T13:42:00.000-04:00

As much as I try to be organized,I can be grossed out by apartment most of the time, I just can't help but live like a pig. Most of my mess is clutter, things like old mail, newspapers, etc. Then there are weirdo things like the broken standing hairdryer that I can't think of throwing away or the classroom sized bulletin board that came with the apartment, there is the plastic wrap that the movers used to wrap my bed with when I moved from Chicago (that is in a closet, and it keeps on pushing the door open).

The remainder of the mess is my laziness showing itself. At any given moment, there are at least 3 empty cigarette boxes on my coffee table, socks and change (I think its a Taylor family thing) on the floor. In the kitchen there is a pile of recycling, I haven't really figured out how that works yet, so I occasionally slip some of it in with my regular trash. And lets not forget the clothes... there are piles of clean and dirty clothes throughout the place, and something new for 2005 is the hanging clothing. Since I have a washing machine but no dryer I have to hang my laundry on hangers to dry. Actually not a big deal. The big deal is the hangers throughout the place with various things waiting to dry. Towels, underwear, as well as shirts and pants.

Just goes to show you there is no gay gene.

No sex for Michael count: 26 days

the Magic Kingdom...take 1

2005-06-22T14:02:00.000-04:00

The Magic Kingdom Nursery School ( no connection with the mouse and I don't really know how we have gotten away with that) is actually a happy place for the kids. They are very well taken care of and learn quite a bit here.

Working here is a different animal. I am not a teacher never wanted to be a teacher and let the truth be known I really don't like kids all that much. But its a family business and out of some strange feeling of loyalty, and a desire to get out of Chicago and back to New York here I am... Office Manager of Magic Kingdom and Assitant Director and (get this teacher) at Arista Prep School. Except for the teaching part, I don't really know what that all means.

I'll set the scene; There is Des the lord of the kingdom and his lady Marc ( my brother in law and sister the owners) They live in this weird world as Dana aptly put, a Victorian fantasy where all others are below them. Example: Some of the teachers, actually bow when they go into their office.

No Sex for Michael Count: 25 Days (Thank God for Montreal)

2005-06-21T13:56:00.000-04:00

Meat...

So a couple of weeks ago I decided that it was healthily living for me. It could have been because I passed out cold for no apparent reason in a hotel room in Montreal, or that as I quickly approach 40 so does my waist size. But anyway one of the things that I thought might be a good thing is to give up my new found diet of a slice and Pepsi for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I head off to the Key Food, not the ghetto one by me but the Key Food Fresh in Park Slope and load up on "healthy" food. But what about meat? Next to booze and really good sex (and the sex has to be really good) meat is my favorite thing. I decide that I will give up starches, junk food, the usual bottle of wine a night if I can keep meat in my diet.

$120.00 later I unpack my grocery bags filled with steak, chicken, pork chops and bacon (food of the gods) and plan my weeks meals... happy road to health. Monday I'll grill a steak, Tuesday, Bake a chicken breast and so on... I can't wait until bed time so I can take out my frozen meat in preparation for the next days meal.

Here's the problem, I really love meat, but I hate handling raw meat. So the nicely defrosted meat doesn't get cooked that first day, "I'm really not that hungry" next day, "um I think it will keep one more day", the next day " oh thats kind of brown, I'll throw it away and defrost the ---, that I'll cook really".

Maybe

2005-06-20T12:25:00.000-04:00

Maybe I'll post more than one entry (all the kids have a blog so I'll drink the Kool-aid too?)
Seems like a good idea and since I don't have insurance its the next best thing to therapy or welburtrin.