Martyr
My friend Adrienne and I have had many heated conversations over the years that I have known her. We met back in 1979 (yikes) in school and have been in close contact since then, She is a colorful" person and in her defense has been through and is going through allot in her life. As a result today she is a troubled person at times and has a few demons that she is living with.
I usually yield to her on most points because years of knowing her tells me that there is no changing her mind on what she believes and she really does live for conflict. Until yesterday.
She was making a point about language and appearance and whether or not it makes a difference in how one is perceived. As usual she went on a rant, and I did my dishes, surf the internet and used the bathroom while she went on. But, something snapped, I stopped being the martyr and argued back.
It felt great! It must have been a sentence or something that slipped into my conscienceness, that made no sense to me. We were back and forth (I was totally right of course). I think it caught her off guard and actually made her pause for a second. I smelled blood and argued like I haven't in years. We both stayed on topic for the most part and it went on a while. Her phone battery actually ran out and that ended the argument.
So this morning, after I'm sure there was some as she puts it "partying" I get an e-mail:
We have been friends for years, but last night was out-of-control. There most be some underlying stuff going on between us and I think that it is best that we part friends now before anything else happens.
My point was and still is (so that you can hear it) is that how you or I live is our business. How we speak, interact, choose to love, hate is an individual thing and I don't like intolerance because it feels like being strangled. Whether you agree or disagree is irrelevant. There are more pressing issues like my mother's cancer and my sister's operation.
I am not your enemy nor always incapable of respecting a difference of opinion, but I am tired of listening to people talk about certain communities without really knowing what they are about. As you said not everything is black and white neither is "Hip Hop." I may not always like what I hear, but so what, no one does and being "articulate" and "educated" doesn't work for everybody.
What makes you happy or succeed, I respect and I would hope that you could do the same without it becoming WWIII.
My mother was hysterical and instead of apologizing you were still "caught up" in the moment. It was out-of control and it doesn't make any sense. Something is wrong and I need to move on.
I'll always care about you.
Take care of yourself and thank you for being there.
My response:
If there is "underlying things going on between us" they are things that are your issue. I find it ironic that a disagreement on a given issue you feel is a friendship breaker. I if that is your wish then so be it. The intolerance that you speak is your issue you have when you say that it makes you feel like you are being strangled an intolerance that you have on my view. The fact that you say that i makes you feel like you are being strangled speaks volumes to your intolerance of my point of view. Trying to take the higher ground I give you that In bubble people can do what they want. And money a fame give you a bubble that become visible to others. Most of us however do not have that visible bubble and have to live in the real world, they have to function in a world that interacts with others which conventional norms. If you choose not to participate in these norms don't blame mainstream society for not bending to fit you. That is my point. Whether I agree or disagree with the way you speak Is not the issue, the issue is that there is a way to speak and act in the mainstream and if you don't or wont adhere to that there will be consequences.
I am sorry that your mother was upset by our argument last night and I of all people am aware of the stress that you have been under. And you are right it really doesn't make any sense.
She is absolutely right there are underlying issues, if by having a disagreement and not being a martyr I have somehow crossed a line then so be it. The lesson to be learned I guess is that holding your tongue might not always be the best thing. I wonder if 10 years ago I instead of doing my dishes listened to her and responded to a rant what the have been the outcome?
No sex for Michael count: 33 days
I usually yield to her on most points because years of knowing her tells me that there is no changing her mind on what she believes and she really does live for conflict. Until yesterday.
She was making a point about language and appearance and whether or not it makes a difference in how one is perceived. As usual she went on a rant, and I did my dishes, surf the internet and used the bathroom while she went on. But, something snapped, I stopped being the martyr and argued back.
It felt great! It must have been a sentence or something that slipped into my conscienceness, that made no sense to me. We were back and forth (I was totally right of course). I think it caught her off guard and actually made her pause for a second. I smelled blood and argued like I haven't in years. We both stayed on topic for the most part and it went on a while. Her phone battery actually ran out and that ended the argument.
So this morning, after I'm sure there was some as she puts it "partying" I get an e-mail:
We have been friends for years, but last night was out-of-control. There most be some underlying stuff going on between us and I think that it is best that we part friends now before anything else happens.
My point was and still is (so that you can hear it) is that how you or I live is our business. How we speak, interact, choose to love, hate is an individual thing and I don't like intolerance because it feels like being strangled. Whether you agree or disagree is irrelevant. There are more pressing issues like my mother's cancer and my sister's operation.
I am not your enemy nor always incapable of respecting a difference of opinion, but I am tired of listening to people talk about certain communities without really knowing what they are about. As you said not everything is black and white neither is "Hip Hop." I may not always like what I hear, but so what, no one does and being "articulate" and "educated" doesn't work for everybody.
What makes you happy or succeed, I respect and I would hope that you could do the same without it becoming WWIII.
My mother was hysterical and instead of apologizing you were still "caught up" in the moment. It was out-of control and it doesn't make any sense. Something is wrong and I need to move on.
I'll always care about you.
Take care of yourself and thank you for being there.
My response:
If there is "underlying things going on between us" they are things that are your issue. I find it ironic that a disagreement on a given issue you feel is a friendship breaker. I if that is your wish then so be it. The intolerance that you speak is your issue you have when you say that it makes you feel like you are being strangled an intolerance that you have on my view. The fact that you say that i makes you feel like you are being strangled speaks volumes to your intolerance of my point of view. Trying to take the higher ground I give you that In bubble people can do what they want. And money a fame give you a bubble that become visible to others. Most of us however do not have that visible bubble and have to live in the real world, they have to function in a world that interacts with others which conventional norms. If you choose not to participate in these norms don't blame mainstream society for not bending to fit you. That is my point. Whether I agree or disagree with the way you speak Is not the issue, the issue is that there is a way to speak and act in the mainstream and if you don't or wont adhere to that there will be consequences.
I am sorry that your mother was upset by our argument last night and I of all people am aware of the stress that you have been under. And you are right it really doesn't make any sense.
She is absolutely right there are underlying issues, if by having a disagreement and not being a martyr I have somehow crossed a line then so be it. The lesson to be learned I guess is that holding your tongue might not always be the best thing. I wonder if 10 years ago I instead of doing my dishes listened to her and responded to a rant what the have been the outcome?
No sex for Michael count: 33 days
posted by Michael at 9:40 AM
1 Comments:
So the crazy lady breaks.
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