My how time flies

June 10 1989, originally uploaded by Mother N in the big C.

This is graduation day. It seems so long ago and like yesterday at the same time.

Merry Merry, why you buggin'

The holiday season is upon us (me) like a ton of bricks. I have always used the fact that because I worked in retail for the reason I didn't join in the Christmas madness. You work in it all day long, sometimes your job depends on your performance at work during the holidays. I remember when I was a district manager, and had to travel to stores all over the glorious Midwest, nothing says Christmas joy, like flying to Detroit in the middle of a snow storm to beat up a staff for not selling enough
"things for, or inspired for the garden".
But this year working with kids one would think that I would love the season with those smiling happy faces, expectant of what Santa will bring.I should be decking the halls, singing carols, wearing Santa hats. But no, still the same grinch I have always been. I guess there aren't kids in my family really, my brother and his kids are in Australia (bitches I hate them) and my other nephew is just plain weird. But is that really an excuse. There are plenty of adults that love this time of year. They go all out. I just think it would be pretty said, decking these halls with my socks in the living room and a full ashtray on the coffee table.
I always think I'm going to at least send out some cards, make an effort and put some thought into the few gifts that I do buy. But nope. Christmas carols actually put me in a bad mood around Christmas time. I usually get the Christmas spirit in July, I will belt out carols in the shower on the hottest day in the summer.

Molar

First of all, its 92 degrees in my office. I went out to the dollar store at lunch today and bought a thermometer.

Anyway, I was eating an apple today and a piece (small though it may be) of an OLD silver filling came out of my bottom left molar. Those who know me understand that I have this aversion, fear, or laziness about going to the dentist. About a month or so ago the same tooth was experiencing the a similar problem, another piece of the filling was moving around kind of causing a little bit of discomfort, but thanks to a couple of sticks of gum, that part of the filling came right out.

The thing about going to the dentist with me is that I always have a bad experience. The last trip to the dentist that I had consisted of him, while replacing a filling (come to think of it the same one I'm having a problem with now) having a heated argument with the assistant, about a mistake that she had made on a previous patient that caused them to have to pull that persons tooth.
The time before that, I was having my teeth cleaned and the woman cleaning them, lost a fake fingernail in my mouth, that had come through her gloved finger and landed under my tongue.

This current problem is a bit worrisome because a-the long holiday weekend is coming up and the last thing I need is to have a dental emergency on X-mas eve in the middle of a transit strike b-I have a trip to Rio in a couple of weeks and with my luck I'll be doubled over in mouth pain the entire time I'm there, and c- I have really crappy dental insurance, and this just doesn't seem like on of those problems that came be fixed with Bubble Yum.

M.T.A.

Last night I went to a Christmas Party (who knew that I would go to 2 count them 2 Christmas party's!) in Harlem. It was at a co worker of a friend of mines house so I guess that I wasn't really invited to the party. So we get there, it was very painless traveling up there found the place without any problems. I decided that I was going to try and be social, its not that I'm anti-social, just painfully shy for someone that is forty (there I said it I'm 40!) and I know that in a social situation where I don't know any one its even harder for me not to throw up my defenses, and basically look bitchy.
Anyway, the people at the party were very nice,Madonna all night long on the playlist good food and the host were great, a boy+boy couple, nice house 2 dogs blah, blah blah (see bitchy). Their friends were actually allot like my friends in Chicago, to the point were allot of the things that they were saying paralleled the inside jokes that my friends have (they actually quoted the line from "Good Times" when Florida Evans had the breakdown at James Evans', her husbands wake "Damn Damn Damn")
Anyway I decided that I would try and talk to some folks, I spoke with this great guy, in his sixties I would imagine, gay, black, funny as hell, he is what I would like to be at his age(My older me) a very animated women, who loved to talk politics, there was this cute guy, that was moving from Las Vegas to New York, he was part of the "Good Times" crew, and this very, VERY handsome man with a killer smile.
He and I talked for a while, would stop talking, meet up and talk for a while some more. At one point when we weren't talking he was looking at me smiling and waiving at me from across the room.
Fun party, great food, and booze. Now I'm digging the guy with the straight teeth, but I have been drinking, and lately since I moved from Chicago my booze tolerance has gone way down. So I ease up on the booze because I want to stay sharp for Mr. Nice Smile. My older me, has other ideas, we were talking about vodka's he loves to "get his drink on" and we decided to see if there really is a difference in vodka, we tried the Grey Goose, Sky, Aboslut, Stoli, etc.
Mr Nice smile always in eye sight.
I'm still holding it together, ditch My older me a hit the kitchen for some water, there is Mr. Nice smile speaking to my friend about how he is really shy, and he meets guys that he likes but he thinks that they don't like him, or he never makes the first move so I'm thinking "why is he saying this to her", "is he talking about me", "I think the room is beginning to spin a little" " I can't find a clean glass for some water, I wonder if it would be bad party etiquette to open the tap and but my head under it to sober up a bit" Anyway I pull it together, and I jump in the conversation my friend bows out and leave us in the kitchen, we chat some more, I ask him for his number. He smiles his big smile, takes my hand, says he would love to "hang out with me" and we exchange numbers.
We chat some more, he asks me what I'm doing for the rest of the night, I say, heading back to Brooklyn, I ask him the same question, he is staying at a friends apartment, she moved to NJ but her place uptown is still there and I would be easier for him to stay there than head back to Brooklyn. Now in hindsight that was a flirt, the more I think about it, the more I know he was flirting hard. But the haze of the 5 different kinds of Vodka kept me from realizing that. When I didn't respond he said that he was going to get some "cake" left and never came back
I decide that now is the time to leave, knowing that I am at 148th and Amsterdam sinks in. I say my farewells, convince myself that Mr nice smile has moved on to someone else, and leave the party its around 3:30
The M.T.A.
I head toward the 1 train, but can't find the station.
I go back to the A,C,B,D, I wait for A downtown, nothing
I go downstairs and wait for the D, B, downtown, nothing
An uptown D train comes in on the downtown track, things are not looking good at all, I have to pee, Mr. Nice smile is probably hooking up with that ugly guy I saw him talking to, and I'm getting a headache already.
I get on the Uptown D, I'll take that to 161 street (Yankee Stadium, The BRONX) and transfer to the 4 train back to Brooklyn.
On the D, it doesn't stop at 161 street, going uptown at night no train does if I read the transit alerts that I get e-mailed to me I would know that but, who would have thought I was going to the Bronx at no 4:30 am on Sunday.
I get off the train at Treemont Ave and the Grand Concourse, (almost to Westchester, not really but far into the Bronx)
Go to the Downtown platform, with all the other hapless souls that didn't read the alerts either.
Wait for the downtown D which does stop at 161 street, my getting a headache is now a full on headache, I think that Mr. Nice smile is probably in the throws of passion with that ugly guy by now, and I really, really have to pee.
Things are looking up because as I get to 161 street, with Yankee Stadium in the background the #4 train pulls in the station, and I get a seat.
Now the #4 should be express, However, not at 5:00am on Sundays, I would say about 25 stops later, I get to my station, run home, make it just in time to the loo, grab some aspirin and decide that Mr. Nice smile and ugly guy are spooning now in the afterglow of lovemaking, planning their lives together, eh he probably had dentures anyway.
I'll probably call him just to confirm my date rejection however hopefully at the very least I've met a new friend.

Milestone... The UP side

On the positive side of my 40th birthday, I didn't burst into flames when I got up this morning, I still have my teeth (most of them) and I can still achieve an erection without pills, inhalant, or devices.
I actually think, I look better than ever, and I still have a keen fashion sense that compensates for most of my body flaws. I have really great friends, and have been slowly getting to know my siblings again. The move back to New York was a good thing. Once I figure out what I want to do when I grow up, and get out of "The Kingdom" things will be even better. Working at the kingdom hasn't been that bad either, I found out I really like kids after all, and helping out my sister while she goes through chemo, or natural healing, or whatever it is this week is a good thing.
This year alone I got to see west coast Dana, New Orleans before the flood, and the yearly pilgrimage to Montreal. Rio is on the horizon in January (thank you very much Logo and MTV, I promise to switch to DirectTV so I can watch you, its the least I can do). I think I committed to para- or wind sailing in Costa Rica for east coast Dana's Birthday (I think that will translate into waving from the boat while she does that).
All in all, all is well, an occasional date would be nice...but lets not get crazy

Milestone... The down side

Tomorrow... The 14th of December will be my 40th birthday. Its one of those birthdays that I'd say things like "when I'm 40 I'll never... fill in the blank". Things like I would never hang out in bars all the time (which I guess I don't do anymore), or I'd quit smoking by the time I'm 40 (I think I smoke more now), by my 40th b-day I would have retired from my career as a go go boy, and of course that would have meant that I would have actually used the Bally Health Club membership more that 10 times in the last 10 years. I would have adopted children with my partner, and he and I still have amazing earth-shattering sex.The list goes on. In reality although most of those things are not the way that I would have planned things are not to bad. After a really great weekend with great friends, some of which came in to town to help me celebrate my b-day, it punctuated that things are good and actually on the up swing. Of course it would be nice to have earth-shattering sex on a semi regular basis would be a plus...

My dad

You have a new Picture Mail, originally uploaded by mtaylor718.

I spent Thanksgiving with my father in Jamaica (which I guess means that it really wasn't Thanksgiving). It was a LONG 6 days, but looking back I'm glad that I spent the time with him. We were not very close, but with the events of the past few years I have been making an effort to get to know him better. 6 days in the country in Jamaica is pushing it tho.